Dear Agnes,
I've been going out with this boy for about six months and already we've had sex. It's really good,
especially when we give each other oral and have foreplay. However, recently, I've had this rash 'down there' and the last
time we had sex he became swollen inside me and it was really painfull for both of us when he came out. I'm really worried
that he may have caught something from me, as I have this rash.
Please help me!
Worried East17 fan, Manchester
Dear Reader,
The first thing I would like to know is have you already had a sexual relationship with a different
partner? If you had then you could have possibly caught something off them and passed it on to your current partner. If, however,
you haven't then you amy have well caught the rash off your boyfriend. In which case you both need to get checked out!
I am sure you know about contreception, as this is VITAL in a sexual relationship.
The symptoms of your disease match those of scurvy (a pirates disease, caused by lack of Vitamin
C - ORANGES (♪and lemons♪) so eat lots of oranges and stay away from the docks STAY-AWAY-FROM-THE-DOCKS!!! (unless
you work as an amphibian whore - then feel free to wander the docks anytime - I'm all for freedom of choice!)
AGNES
Dear Agatha and Agnes,
I do believe that my bird is cheating on me with her ex. I am a lazy cunt who does nothing
to make her want to stay with me, except let her stay at home with my mum and her elderly aunt, when I spaz off to watch the
shitty football and men get sweaty together. I think she knows I imagine them all in the shower together afterwards. So what
do I do? Kill the ex, kill her, or kill myself?
Your input would be valid as I have to go now. my dearest friend
Flex is accusing me of telling "Franco M" his email address, when I did no such thing. I also suspect that my bird and
her mate keeps hacking my accouint and emailing my friends. What do I do?!?!
Love Presh!
Dear Presh!
You're name is bollocks
Oh, well... you're obviously a twat... She deserves someone better then you. Sorry... but it's the
whole truth my lil Bunion... Go kill yourself... sorry
Agnes and Agatha
